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Christmas Liquor (standard:humor, 3550 words)
Author: casio1933Added: May 02 2008Views/Reads: 1781/1117Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
Two older brothers conspire to make a batch of "Christmas Liquor." A true store from the perspective of Pablo (my old cat - and that's another story).


Grandpa and his brother, Stanley, were both retired and had a great deal
of time on their hands.  After all, you could only fish about forty 
hours a week.  They spent a lot of time together and on the phone with 
each other. 

Sitting together on their boat one hot day in early September, they got
to talking about “good liquor”.  The best liquor was homemade and not 
the chemical stuff you could get at he ABC stores.  Of course the 
liquor had to come from a known source, or you could end up with 
“rotgut” poison. 

Grandpa was diabetic and knew that whiskey was not the best thing for
his condition.  He had also been told it was the sugar in liquor that 
was the culprit.  He believed if you could get someone to make some 
liquor without using sugar, it would be O.K. for a diabetic. 

Now every ole country boy knows that, in order to be profitable, bootleg
liquor has to be made using sugar.  Five pounds of sugar to the bushel 
of corn will yield about five gallons of moonshine at about ninety to 
one hundred-ten proof.  Without the sugar, the yield would be about a 
gallon to the bushel of corn.  Selling moonshine for about twenty 
dollars per gallon required using sugar, (molasses or honey would also 
work, but they would have a strong influence on the taste). 

Stanley said he would really like to get some good liquor for Christmas.

Grandpa said he had and old buddy in Pittsylvania County who made a
“little” liquor, (about a thousand gallons a year).  He would talk to 
Dolphus and see what he could do for them. 

A few days later Dolphus told Grandpa he would be willing to make five
gallons of Christmas liquor using no sugar – Dolphus would give them 
half and keep half for his effort.  They would have to supply the 
necessary ingredients.  They were few. 

Five bushels of corn; this years crop; coarse grind. One-half to one
bushel of corn; sprouted and cracked. Water – Dolphus would supply as 

Another friend of Grandpa owned a small water powered gristmill in
Appomattox County.  Grandpa bought six bushels of corn from him and 
said he would like to have five bushels coarsely ground and held for 
pickup in a week or so.  He would bring the miller the other bushel 
after it had sprouted and have him crack it. 

The other bushel of corn, Grandpa carried home.  In the old coal shed
attached to the garage, Grandpa placed clean guano bags on the concrete 
floor and spread the kernels of corn evenly to a depth of about one – 
two inches.  He covered the corn with more of the clean burlap bags and 
wet everything down.  Grandpa kept a close check on the sprouting 
progress and added water as needed. 

In the warm autumn weather, the corn quickly began to sprout.  In a week
or so it was ready for the miller.  The sprouted corn, when cracked, 
would aid in the fermentation process acting in the same manner as 

The last Saturday in September was a bright, crisp day with just a hint
of Fall in the air.  Grandpa and Stanley loaded the corn meal and 
sprouted corn (cracked and bagged) into the large trunk and back seat 
of Grandpa's Oldsmobile.  Dolphus  had given directions to an old 
isolated tobacco barn on his large farm. 

Just as Grandpa began to think he was lost, he rounded a turn in the
narrow dirt track and saw a dilapidated log building with a sagging 
shed roof attached to one side.  Under the shed was a large assortment 
of old vehicles, tractors and obsolete farm equipment, much of it horse 
drawn.  Dolphus was standing beside his “beat-up” old pickup truck 
parked nearby. 

“You know, you've got a fortune in antiques here.”  Grandpa said in
greeting.  “That Model T pickup is probably worth a thousand dollars, 

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