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Have Nose, Will Snore (standard:humor, 915 words)
Author: GodspenmanAdded: Oct 09 2022Views/Reads: 72/31Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
As I drifted off to la-la-land, I thought of a scripture. Amos 3:3, “Can two walk together, except they be agreed?” It is quite rare when two people agree on everything. It is important that we agree on the right things. We can have our difference but th

Having been married as long as The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage
and myself, there are very few things we disagree. 

I run by the idea, “Do you want to be happy, or do you want to be
right?” That has guided me through many a storm these past years. 

Almost every day, I come across somebody having difficulty getting along
with their spouse. My counseling has been consistent through the years, 
“You don't always have to be right.” 

That's what causes a lot of problems in relationships. People are
obsessed with being right about everything, even when wrong. It doesn't 
cost a person a lot to give in, even when they might be right. 

Our relationship has been very calm except for a few bumps. 

The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage is what I call a Vegetable Freak,
whereas, on the other side of the kitchen table, I'm just a Freak. 

If my wife doesn't get her daily dose of vegetables, she can become
quite anxious. However, when I get my daily dose of vegetables, I also 
become anxious but in the other direction. 

The king on her vegetable table is broccoli. Just the sight of broccoli
is very offensive to me. I never had broccoli when I was growing up, 
and I'm not going to have broccoli until I die. 

The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage is very focused on her broccoli
diet. If a day goes by that, she has not had broccoli, I have not seen 
it yet. 

Often I use broccoli as a bargaining chip for my favorite food, Apple

From my point of view, and it's only mine, the Apple Fritter makes up
for Eve's apple blunder in the Garden of Eden. That is my story, and 
I'm sticking to it. 

Probably, the biggest controversy we have, which has been with us ever
since we were married, has to do with snoring. But, for some reason, I 
know not why, The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage assumes that I 
snore every night. 

Often in the middle of the night, I will feel a sharp elbow in my Adam
ribs and hear somebody say, “Stop your snoring.” For the life of me I 
have no idea what she's talking about. 

She will confront me in the morning over breakfast with the idea that I
snore at night. With a very quizzical nod, I just tried to forget that 
complaint. I know that I don't snore at night. 

“You know how miserable it makes me to hear you snoring all night?” 

I return her quizzical look and tell her that I don't know what she is
talking about. I stayed up one night and never heard myself snore. 

For some reason, she has the idea that snoring is bad for your health. 

“Don't you know it's not healthy to snore at night like you do?” 

I kept my response to myself, but if snoring is not healthy, how come
everybody does it? I don't want her to hear me say that for various 

I'm not sure about the health damage snoring does to a person. If I had
been snoring all these years, according to her, how come it has not 
affected my health? 

One night I got up and went to the kitchen to get a drink of water.
Then, walking down the hallway to the bedroom, I heard this raspy 
noise. As I got to my bedroom, here it was, The Gracious Mistress of 
the Parsonage snoring. I only regret that I did not tape that incident 
because it would have been worth a lot to me. 

When we got up in the morning, I was chuckling, and looking at me, she

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