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Shopping with Grandmom (standard:humor, 1144 words)
Author: MizMaggzAdded: Feb 15 2002Views/Reads: 3064/1961Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
Who would have known that a simple trip to the grocery store could have ever been so adventurous?

"Patience is a virtue."   Three years ago, I hadn't the faintest idea
what those four words meant.  At that time, I had just gone off to 
college in a town far away from home and moved in with my grandparents. 
 I had been there only one week when my grandmother asked me the simple 
question that would change my life: 

"Would you like to go with to the grocery store with me?" 

It was a Saturday morning and I had nothing to do.  "Sure," I replied. 
Little did I know what I was getting myself into.  I assumed she meant 
that we would be leaving right away, so I bounded up the stairs to put 
on my shoes and retrieve my coat.  When I came back down, I noticed she 
was still sitting in the same spot as when I had left her.  I realized 
then that she was making out her shopping list, and this was no 
ordinary "list."  First, she folded the paper in half lengthwise.  She 
then proceeded to group the products into the sections of the store, 
such as dairy, produce, meats, etc.  As if that weren't enough, she 
even tried to keep the list alphabetized. 

I sat in my chair trying to remain calm.  If only I had know that this
was just the beginning, that I would go through every emotion in the 
book, that I would be reduced to a walking vegetable by the end of the 
day.  If only I had known... 

While waiting for "the list," I figured I should make the best of my
spare time.  I turned on the little TV in the kitchen and flipped 
through the channels until I found something good.  With ten minutes 
left in the murder mystery, I heard a voice pipe up in the background, 
"Okay, all set!" 

"Darn," I thought to myself, "now I'll never know who did it!"  I tore
myself away from the television and headed out for the adventure of a 
lifetime.  The ride to the store should have given me a hint of what 
was to come.  My grandmother sat at the wheel humming an old Sinatra 
tune, while I sat in the passenger seat holding my breath, sticking my 
foot through the floor. 

We finally arrived at the store and found a parking spot.  We forced our
way inward, and I noticed that the entire town must have decided to go 
shopping at the same time.  We found a cart and headed towards aisle 
#1.  Now, one must understand that it does not matter that my 
grandmother does not need anything on aisle #1.  She has her plan of 
attack and follows it step-by-step.  It would be out of the question to 
be spontaneous and go down aisle #4 first.  My position in the attack 
plan was "navigator of the shopping cart."  It was my job to a) 
maneuver the cart in and out of shoppers who have strayed from their 
course positions, and b) keep up with my grandmother.  I had no 
problems on aisle #1.  It appeared that no one but my grandmother ever 
went down there.  Aisle #2 was a little trickier, as I had to work my 
way past one shopper while worrying about the oncoming traffic.  All 
during this time, my grandmother browsed along the aisle comparing 
prices and ingredients.  By the time I would catch up with her, she 
would toss a product into the cart and head towards her next goal.  It 
seemed that as we came nearer and nearer to the middle of the store, 
the aisles became trickier and trickier.  It must be the "spontaneous 
people," I thought to myself.  As I was aggressively working my way 
through a crowd full of rude people who were only out for themselves 
and wouldn't get out of my way unless I threw a can of French-cut green 
beans at them, I was noticing that my grandmother was definitely adding 
things to the cart that weren't written on her list.  Apparently, this 
was a woman who could go to the store only intending to buy bread and 
milk and come home with two 64 oz. jars of sauerkraut because it was 
double coupon day. 

As I was beginning to feel the need for a rest, I looked up and to my
horror we were only on aisle #8.  We were working our way towards aisle 
#9, but it sure felt like #54.  I didn't know how much longer I could 
take this, so I leaned on the cart for a little support.  The minutes 
were slowly ticking by.  I was weary and irritated.  All kinds of 
questions were going through my head.  How much longer could this last? 
 How much more could she possibly get?  How many more aisles did this 
store have?  My emotions were running sky-high.  I felt like a walking 
time bomb, and if I heard, "Let's see, just one more thing," another 
time, I was going to explode.  I lost track of time.  I was following 
my grandmother in a trance, while going through the 

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