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Social Singularity (standard:non fiction, 12851 words)
Author: ChardAdded: Oct 21 2011Views/Reads: 2775/2376Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
This is an account of the most important time in my life. It's outlandish, stratospheric, like totally out there, but also contains numerous humorous anecdotes and social ideas.

I rank people with high social ability into three categories:  mood
accelerators (MAs), people accelerators (PAs), and the world 
accelerator (WA). 

I would say it was my second semester junior year at Mizzou that I
became a mood accelerator.  This is the lower echelon of high social 
ability and all though mood accelerators aren't absolutely respected as 
the social elite, their friends certainly turn to them as someone to 
practice “quip wars” against.  I can remember that as I worked out 
regularly, looked up body language and dating advice online, and 
learned dance moves, I would begin to get looks from women and head 
nods from guys who were in the know. 

To me, there is nothing more interesting in this world than the
male-female dynamic.  Here are some interactions that a person who has 
developed into an MA can expect with women: 

A good MA knows the best way to pass a woman on the street is to at
first make eye contact, slowly flash a smile onto his face as she 
responds with a smile of her own, then acknowledge her with a wave or a 
“hi.”  If you're not a creepy looking fellow, which if you're an MA you 
probably aren't, give her a look like you know she was just 
masturbating to you.  If all goes well and she's smiling back plus you 
have the confidence to do it, stop her and ask “What's got you so happy 
today?”  You can strike up a conversation right then and there.  At the 
end of it, say something along the lines of, “Hey, I know this sounds 
weird and we just met, but I was wondering if it was possible to see 
you outside this place sometime,” then hold out your phone for her with 
numpad ready so she can enter her number.  It's a good idea to use some 
excuse to bring out your phone ahead of time so she isn't freaked out 
at the sight of it, just ask her opinion on a ringtone or something.  
(Once, a girl immediately started to walk away when I pulled out my 
phone; fortunately, I still got her number.  I later found out she had 
a boyfriend she didn't mention.) 

Some sidewalk encounters go differently.  One of my favorites is when a
girl makes eye contact with you then immediately looks away.  All the 
while you continue looking at her, smiling.  At the last second as she 
passes you she looks over at you and sees that you've been waiting for 
that quick glance, so she has no choice but to smile and say an 
embarrassed “Hi.”  Then there's those frustrating encounters where the 
girl will play it coy.  You'll do all the right steps and she'll open 
her mouth wide and act surprised then turn it into a playful grin and 
look away, never to make eye contact again.  For some people, social 
encounters are more special the briefer and more mysterious they are, 
and they'd rather keep that initial attraction than risk killing it by 
giving out their number.  I guess I can respect that. 

If you met me today you would wonder how I ever made it to MA level. 
The truth is, I lost my world class wit and powerful body language 
after a brief psychotic episode and over-medication.  To lay to rest 
any doubts that I was at one time an MA, I compiled some examples of 
playful banter that I whipped up back in 2008, and maybe you can get 
some ideas from this. 1.	A girl told me she was interning at MIT for 
the summer.  When I called her I pretended I was a registration worker 
at MIT and demanded she pay a $75 registration fee.  When she got the 
pen and paper to write down where to send it, I said “Oh just give it 
to your classmate Chard and he'll process it.”  She said “You tricked 
me,” and when I went to set up a coffee date she said she didn't like 
coffee, so I said it's just for the coffee atmosphere.  Then she told 
me she has a boyfriend and by then I knew she was trying to get back at 
me for tricking her so I said, “There's an accomplishment.  A lot of 
girls have boyfriends but they don't go bragging about it.” 

2.	After setting up a date with a girl I tell her not to come down and
scope out my dorm room ahead of time.  She said, “Ah, so you're 
territorial.”  I said, “As an alpha male, I tend to be very 
territorial.”  Then I told her don't forget to bring pepper spray. 

3.	During Christmas break I smoked a Cuban with a friend to celebrate
the birth of his son.  Afterward, a girl asked me how my break was.  I 
said, “It was all right; I had my first Cuban.”  She asked me, “A Cuban 
cigar?”  I said “No.  A Cuban woman.  They're a bit more prude than 
American women.”  Then I told her I was kidding, it was a cigar.  The 
same girl later told me she was in dietetics and that it was difficult. 

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