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A Waist Is a Terrible Thing to Mind (standard:humor, 913 words)
Author: GodspenmanAdded: Jun 01 2015Views/Reads: 749/577Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
If the Lord can handle my size, I need not listen to anybody else.

Is it just me or has the whole world going crazy about diets and

This came to me sometime this week when I was having trouble sleeping
one night. I was tossing, turning and getting grunts from the Gracious 
Mistress of the Parsonage. 

I decided to get up and watch a little television to make me sleepy.
Nothing makes me sleepy like watching television. Of course, when my 
wife and I are watching TV together we both are complaining about how 
many commercials there are. 

I decided to watch a little bit of television and hopefully in a half
hour or so I would get sleepy enough so I could go back to bed. During 
my watching, I came across so many “infomercials” that I thought I was 
dreaming or at least having a nightmare. 

The thing I noticed about these “infomercials” is the “info” has no
commercial value for me. All they want to talk about is diet, diet, 
diet. Isn't there something more interesting to talk about? 

I was watching one “infomercial” and the brazen claim was simply this;
if I go on their diet, they guaranteed me that I will look great in a 
bikini. Really? Why do I want to look great in a bikini? Noticing some 
of their bikinis, I wear more in the shower and they were wearing on 
the beach. 

No sale for me. 

Instead of getting drowsy I was getting a little frustrated and angry. 

The thing that really got me was simply this; their argument was that
being “post-thin” (to use my terminology) is not normal. According to 
them, normal is being so skinny people can count how many bones you 

Have these people been out in public recently? If skinny is normal,
there are not too many around. If they are looking for normal, they 
need to see that skinny is not normal. 

Personally, I get a little weary of people judging me from their
cookie-cutter perspective. Maybe, just maybe, skinny is not normal! 
Maybe, just maybe, I, who lean towards the full figure side of the 
scale, may be normal. Wouldn't that be a kick in their pants! 

Some infomercials tried to sell me some kind of exercise equipment. The
only shrinking involved in those infomercials would be with my bank 
account. They earnestly believe in transferring my wealth into their 
wealth. I am not in Great Britain so I do not want to lose any British 
pounds. Of course, if I do buy one of their exercise equipment, I will 
not have enough money to buy food for the next three months. That would 
be a sure way to lose weight. 

When it comes to diets, my wife is very committed to a balanced diet.
The problem is, her concept of a balanced diet and mine are completely 

For my wife, a balanced diet means a little bit of this and a little bit
of that and it had better be green and leafy. If there ever was a 
vegetable queen in the world, she comes close. She has more vegetables 
on the table than I could ever identify. 

Of course, I am assuming they are vegetables because she calls them
vegetables. How am I to know they are actually vegetables? The only 
thing I guard against is that green treelike vegetable she calls 
“broccoli.” She has tried sneaking it in and so far, at least to my 
knowledge, I have avoided any encounter with anything resembling 

My idea of a balanced diet is simple, all I can balance on my spoon and
get into my mouth without dropping it. That, to me, is a balanced diet. 
I must say I am quite good with my balanced diet. Believe me, it is 
very hard to balance vegetables on my spoon and I refuse to practice! 

Getting back to these infomercials trying to convince me I need to

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