|The Greatest Hero.......Ever (standard:humor, 1058 words)|
|Author: denis holzhauser||Added: Nov 30 2001||Views/Reads: 2927/1124||Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)|
|Somebody had to be the first one...|
To fully grasp the untold story of how the world began,we must understand that man had no knowledge or history since nothing had come before.What I am going to tell you,is what was told to me,by my ancestors,information that had been passed from generation to generation to generation,first orally then after a great time,written and typed,then finally,orally on tape. It seems,as it was explained to me by my ancestors,to have began with a very distant great,great,great uncle,on my father's side of the family,called Uglish...a first name or title,since no one had a proper family name then,remember that neither time or the concept of time had yet been discovered.Uglish was to become a notable among his tribe,respected as a wise man,his main claim to notability was he was the member of the tribe who had discovered the oyster.As it has been told in our family,prior to the discovery of the oyster,the tribes existed on grapes,berries and other edible growing things.It has been told to me that flesh of any kind was not considered food,nor was hunting yet practiced,after all,we're talking about millions of years ago. Uglish was supposedly wading in fairly shallow waters a short distance from the camping grounds when he was seen to have tripped and went under water.In his fright he had grabbed for something to prevent him from going down again,no one could swim or even float yet...what he was supposed to have told the counsel was that he reached out and grabbed a hard mound of very rough stones and had been able to regain his balance. When he had pressed his weight against this mound,a rough and sharp piece had broke off and had remained in his hand.To him ,it was a rock...and as he made his way back to shallower waters,he studied his stone that had saved him. When he waded ashore,he looked at his prize and was about to throw it away,when he shoke it,and he heard water...as was told to me,he said,like the shells,that they had all,at one time or another listened to,it had made like the roaring of the waves. He decided to keep his memento,and sat in the sand to rest.When he had regained his composure,he began to study the stone more carefully and when he shoke it,again,he decided something was splashing about,inside.Then he did something that changed his life forever.He began to try to open the shell.He tried to pry it open with his caloused hands,then he broke a stick by wedging it into the side of the shell.The people had been watching for some time and some of them began to laugh and joke about Uglish's strange behavior with,what to them,was a rock.He got very angry and red in the face,both from the physical strain he was putting upon hisself trying to get the rock opened and from embarrassment over the ridicule being heaped upon him,by those watching him. Finally,in desperation he borrowed a flint that had been chipped into a rough shaped knife and used it as a pry,which slowly,but with much strain by Uglish,began to slightly intrude between the tightly sealed lips of the shell.Then he began to wedge it deeper and to twist it to loosen the sealed sides.At last,he had opened it,and everyone had crowded round to watch Uglish,out of breathe,panting and very red in the face,look inside.Then he saw,what could only be discribed as..mucus. Everyone begin to laugh and point at him..they mimed his labors to get the shell opened and grunted and strained as he had done.He watched with a silent anger and finally,so as to prove that he had not been surprised at all at what he had found,he did something that silenced and stunned everybody there,and made himself famous forever,he grabbed the mucus laying inside the bottom half of the shell and swallowed the sickening looking goop.He,instantly,became a man of some considerable status.He had done the unthinkable,to the rest of the tribe,he had eaten phlegm,it may have sickened some of them,but others had been impressed by his bravado,he had stunned the entire tribe into silence, something no one had ever seen anyone do before.No one knew that Uglish had had two almost instantaneous reactions,firstly,he had felt that he was going to throw up,then he had realized he had swallowed something that had tasted like nothing he had ever eaten before.The second thought changed him from a middle of the pack nobody,into a man of some status,even if he had sickened about half of those assembled,which in fact was almost the entire village.He fought back an urge to throw up,thinking that nothing that had looked so bad could have tasted so good...but it had and he may,at sometime in the Click here to read the rest of this story (34 more lines)
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