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Herth and the Vampire (standard:humor, 712 words)
Author: timsterAdded: Jun 09 2004Views/Reads: 2367/1511Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
Have you ever met one? Herth has...

Herth and the Vampire 

The F.I.N.N. brings you the amazing Herth Gilmore... 

Herth here with today's top story... 

The mysterious deaths of sheep continued last night at Perry and
Laurie's ranch outside of Stanley.  Fluffy was still unscathed from the 
deaths, but fear of something happening to poor spoiled Fluffy led them 
to call yours truly.  I almost said no, cause I'm still not really 
happy with Perry.  He thinks he can just drift in and out of someone's 
life at will.  Nonetheless, for the good of The Islands and to keep the 
panic down to a manageable level, I went. 

Something seemed strange to me about the entire death thing, so I
brought along the famous Sheep Psychic, Katie Magilicuddy. 

When we arrived there were seven dead sheep still in the pasture.  We
went over to investigate and though their bodies were stiff as a 
three-week loaf of bread, there were smatterings of blood around each 
of their necks.  All Katie could sense were the bodies with hollow 
souls.  Usually she could sense the soul after it left the fragile 
bodies, but not in this case.  She said something about evil and 
scurried off to the safety of Perry and Laurie's basement. 

I continued to poke around some, when a deafening scream came from the
basement.  It didn't take me long to get to the messy basement.  God 
they're slobs, they need to get off their asses and clean it up.  Katie 
was lying on the floor, passed out; I know that because she was 
breathing.  She looked so breathtaking while taking her snooze. 

From nowhere a voice came from behind the piles of junk in the corner. 

“Herth is that you?” 

I recognized the voice, but couldn't quite place it. 

“Err, yes this is Herth.” 

“Don't you know who this is?  I know it has been a few years since my
untimely death, but we used to talk all the time.” 

Suddenly it came to me; maybe it was the death thing. 


“Why yes Herth.  It has been a long time hasn't it?  My, it looks as
though you have put on a few pounds.” 

Bertha and I used to talk all the time.  It was funny though; I was the
only one that understood her.  Everyone else thought she was just 
baaing, I remember having to spend quite a few days at Dr. Boganbroom's 
office, because everyone thought I was going crazy.  Can't really blame 
them, not everyone talks to a sheep, well Perry and Laurie do, but 
that's different. 

“I thought you were, well how do I put this?” 

“Dead Herth.” 

“Yes Bertha.” 

“Something happened to me Herth.  I woke up one day and had a craving
for sheep blood. By the way, thank you for the flowers you put on my 

“Your quite welcome.” 

She came out from around the junk and I got a clear look at her face. 
Yes it was Bertha, but those two front teeth weren't there before.  Man 
they looked sharp.  I remembered an old movie and it came to me.  
Bertha was a vampire. 

“Sorry I scared your friend Herth, I hope she is O.K. Things are weird
now, I keep hearing voices and they keep growing every time I have a 

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