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Daisy MAY (standard:humor, 1417 words)
Author: stanley mcqueen kentucky backwoods writerAdded: Apr 17 2007Views/Reads: 2326/1373Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
Short backwood tale

Backwood writer Stanley mcqueen 

Daisy May 

My friend and I were drinking whisky in the saloon that set right smack
in the middle of Muddy fork township, this little lazy backwoods place 
was no more than a wide place in the wagon road that run smack right 
threw it, with one saloon and a boarding house and a small jail house 
that only is  big enough to hold eight prisoners, these mountain 
surrounding muddy fork are dotted with crude log shack and the people 
here are hill folks and nearly everyone grows corn to sell in the fall, 
let me get on with my tale, well frank is my buddy name he has been my 
best friend ever since me and him grew up and attended that one rooms 
school house that sets at the base of little fox ridge, Frank north is 
his name and he is the same age as me twenty-four, we both hired on at 
the sawmill works and have worked there a long time now . Frank has his 
mind set on buying some bottom land run along the little fox river, 
that all he talks about is that farm that went up for sale about a year 
back when the owner old man smith died off and the land  fell to the 
little muddy fork bank, no body in these parts can come up with two 
thousand dollars to buy the land, so its just setting their waiting 
till someone can buy it off, and Frank is bound to try and come up with 
the money. Every time me and him get to drinking he gets to talking 
about the land and has even cried some in his beer, he has that land on 
the brain ...that” all I hear land land.... I wish there was a way for 
him to buy it so he shut up,, he driving me crazy, and everyone else to 
boot. So here we both set in this little saloon today and he is drunk 
and talking about that farm he can't buy because we only make thirty 
dollars a month, and it is impossible to come up with that much 
cash..i've told the fool that he needs to forget it and shut up before 
he drives himself crazy.. Then something hit my mind that might solve 
Franks land problem , there is a young woman who is the boarding house 
woman owner daughter her name is daisy may, she is so ugly that she 
scare, a drinks of water from a water dipper, and on warm summer days 
she stand outside the boarding house and makes eyes at young farmers 
that often come to town to get supplies, I have to call her bone ugly, 
and so far she hasn't found any takers , so I get the idea that Franks 
should pretend he is interested in her , and knowing her maw probably 
has some money laid aside enough to buy that farm Franks wants so darn 
bad .. Frank is pretty full of beer and he is just right to mention my 
plan to get him that money to buy that farm, so I say frank I have come 
up with a perfect way for you to buy that land , franks says how ?well 
you know daisy may is looking for a man , and she has been looking now 
going on two years, well glory bee that woman is as ugly as my fox 
hound drunk franks says” I have to be a little drunker be  for I could 
get up enough nerves to tackle that suggestion Frank muttered” her 
mother is just bound to have enough money to buy that farm laid aside , 
she makes good on that boarding house rent she get from boarders , and 
if you tie in with daisy may, you'd be most likely able to borrow the 
money off her mother I suggest” im aimed to do  it friend Frank said ‘ 
Frank takes a big long swallow of Beer and raises up from the table and 
says follow me” so I follow him out of the saloon and we take a right 
turn along side the wagon road that lead toward the boarding house,, 
and luck would have it there stands Daisy May before the boarding 
house, wearing a grab of a dress that stands out like a turkey with its 
feathers ruffled...  Man what an ugly sort she is with those thin lips 
painted like and Indian on the war path, her skinny legs remind me of 
those fishing worms I disregard when im digging for fishing worms, how 
could a soul get that blame ugly I wonder ..I follow drunk Frank and he 
has the nerve to make a talk with her, he walked right up like a 
solider would to the front lines of battle and says Howdy Daisy..she 
looks at us both and then said” a howdy back to my wavering friend, I 
like to come a calling on you said” Franks coming right to the point, 
she blushed at his blunt question, and batted those beady eyes like a 
hawk that had power burns from a shot gun blast.. You mean you want to 
spark me she asked? Yes Mam, I sure would Franks blurts out. I could 
not believe my own ears, Frank was asking the ugliest woman on earth to 
court her.. I'd me honored she said for you courting me she said” 
admiring poor old drunk Frank.. I thought men would not stoop to such 
torture to obtain their desires, but Frank was scraping beyond the 
bottom of the barrel he was digging under the barrels, and sour mash 
had give him nerves of steel, my mule had brayed once while passing 
this poor old ugly mountain gal and now my buddy is asking to court her 
in broad day light.. What men will do to get what they want? I was now 
wondering if I should have even mention this plan that come right out 

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