|Lazy Jim (standard:humor, 1460 words)|
|Author: stanley mcqueen kentucky backwoods writer||Added: Jul 26 2007||Views/Reads: 2659/1511||Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)|
|short back wood story|
Backwoods writer Stanley mcqueen Lazy Jim Paw and I was riding along the wagon road going into Muddy fork to by some fencing wire so we could patch some of the places that the cattle had been getting out our farm. As we ride along paw is telling me a story about a fellow that he grew up around back when he was raised up in Virginia mountain ...son if their was ever a lazy no account fellow it was Jim Tucker.. He wouldn't strike at a shake if it was going to bite him. While all of us younger men back then was helping in the corn crops and such, he was laying on the porch stoop ever day with a big chaw of burley tobacco in his jaw. his Paw drew a army pension for and injury form the war and they got by on that little government pension.. Folk would often try and hire him to cut tobacco and he would refuse . His mammy would carry his meals to him like you would to the hogs , he hated to go to the outside toilet and one time that sorry man got to needing to poop and son do you know what he done ? He raised the cabin window and stuck his butt out the hole of it and pooped , because he was to sorry to go to the outside toilet which was not fifty feet from his their shack. My first cousin was passing and riding a mule and seen his sorry butt sticking out the window and come and told all the neighbors about what he had witness... now my son if that wouldn't the laziness thing a man ever seen I don't know how sorry and lazy and man could get paw declared” ever neighbor laughed at this happening and people went to calling him lazy Jim from then on. The army called a bunch of us back then to go fight in the war and sent letters to every man at the age of eighteen and guess what they sent a letter to Jim shack “... well Jim was not about to serve his country so he took a shot gun and shot his right toes off to keep from serving and from then on he was wheeled around in what folks call a wheel chair, that just suited his fancy now his old aged paw and maw would have to push him around everywhere. I tell you son that young man was the laziest man ever born in the Virginia mountain, he was not going to do nothing that required any labor. It seems son he had a lazy streak a mile wide in him. Son I recall one summer when a county fair come to the Virginia mountains and low and behold they had a lazy man contest to see which man in the county district was the laziest.. Well me and Nath my best friend back then growing up we rode a mule over to Jim shack and told him about the lazy mans contest and got him to agree to inter it it it took some talking and such because he said he was to lazy to go into town and sign up and that he”d join if the judges would send someone to carry him to the wagon and drive him to the fair .. Well we went to the fair manager and told him what Jim had declared about sending someone with a wagon and team and that they would half to carry his lazy butt and load him on the wagon when I told the manager that, he went to busting out laughing and said . That rascal is the laziest fellow I ever heard tell of wanting someone to carry him to a wagon and such was sure a lazy soul... the manager said It will be done . Because I want to see this fellow in person , and I have some of the fairs workers to go out to his place and fetch him to the lazy contest, declared to Fair manager, Nath and I was excited about the whole thing because the purse was two hundred dollars and that was a lot of money back then, the day of the fair began and me and Nath went to see the lazy man contest and we took seat on some benches before a platform and it was not long till we seen them bring old sorry Jim on a wagon and they pushed him in a wheel chair and carried him on top of the platform and they was about to set him down on a chair that was lined up for the lazy men to set on and be judged , and Jim told the men that he didn't want to be setting in a chair and that they would have to get a bed for him to lay in or he would quit the contest and they went and retrieved a bed someone where about the fair and laid his sorry butt on the bed , while the other lazy men were set in chairs. Me and Nath laughed and the crowd of on lookers roared in laughter, seeing them bring in a bed and lay him on it , because he was to sorry to set up like the rest... Eight lazy men had entered the contest from in and around the district , and me and Nath was positive that Jim had this contest in the bag, the crowd watch on as the judges entered the platform looking at the lazy men . One had fallen asleep after he was set in the chair, and some of the others was all slurped down in their chairs to sorry to hold there back against the back of the strength back chairs.. They were two short judges and one was tall and the tall one was the chief judge and when he come to Jim laying in the bed that the fair had furnished he went to laughing and said I have judged the lazy man contest nigh twenty years and this is the first time I ever Click here to read the rest of this story (31 more lines)
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