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Tiptoeing through the 60s (standard:humor, 910 words)
Author: GodspenmanAdded: Jul 24 2011Views/Reads: 1108/634Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
Now that I have safely escaped the infamous 50-something stage of life, I am carefully testing the waters before me. They look calm, but you never can be sure. Moreover, at this juncture of my life I am in no mood for taking chances.
 



Now that I have safely escaped the infamous 50-something stage of life,
I am carefully testing the waters before me. They look calm, but you 
never can be sure. Moreover, at this juncture of my life I am in no 
mood for taking chances. 

Just the other day the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage said to me
rather sarcastically, "How does it feel to be 60-something?" 

I knew she was having too much fun with this so I retorted by saying, "I
feel like two 30-year-olds." 

"Oh, no," she moaned. "I can't handle more than one of you." 

Ha! Ha! Ha! In her old age, she has not lost any of her sense of humor.
I was hoping. 

I am taking it rather careful, though. I have heard all the rumors about
what happens to a person once they pass the 60 mark. For myself, I am 
determined to enjoy to the fullest every day I live from this day 
forward regardless of who I annoy. And I do have a list for this. 

Some things, I am finding out, are quite true. Just the other night I
discovered one of those rumors to be true. I now know why older men go 
to the bathroom so often during the night. 

I had just gone to bed and started my evening dance with the Sandman. As
I approached the shores of oblivion, I had the urge to go to the 
bathroom. I sat up in bed, adjusted my nightcap, put on my slippers, 
stood up and put on my bathrobe. In somewhat of a daze I headed for the 
bathroom. 

Once I got into the bathroom, I closed the door behind me, turned on the
light and stood there. For a moment, I did not know where I was and 
then I could not remember why I was where I was. I thought for a moment 
and then turned around, walked back to my bed, took off my bathrobe, 
removed my slippers and tucked myself back into bed. 

I dozed off for a moment and then, all of a sudden, it occurred to me
why I went to the bathroom. So, I sat up in bed, adjusted my nightcap, 
put on my slippers, stood up and put on my bathrobe. In somewhat of a 
daze I headed for the bathroom. 

I closed the door and tried to turn on the light only to discover I was
in the closet. Extricating my body from the closet, I headed once more 
in the direction of the bathroom. This time I found the bathroom. 

I closed the door, turn on the light and looked in the mirror wondering
why I was in the bathroom. I lathered up my face and shaved. 

I left the bathroom and headed back for bed, removed my slippers and
bathrobe and tucked myself snuggly under the sheets. Just as I was 
dozing off, I remembered why I wanted to go to the bathroom so 
urgently. 

I sat up in bed, adjusted my nightcap, put on my slippers, stood up and
put on my bathrobe. In somewhat of a daze I headed for the bathroom. It 
took me a little longer to get to the bathroom this time but as soon as 
I opened the door, the light went on. In the bathroom was a quart of 
milk, a pitcher of iced tea, the makings of a salad and some luncheon 
meat. I poured myself a glass of iced tea, slowly drank it and then 
headed back for bed. 

As I snuggled myself back into bed, I heard the person on the other side
of the bed moan and mumbled something, "You weren't in the kitchen were 
you?" 

"No," I said rather sleepily, "I was in the bathroom." 

I soon fell asleep and no sooner did I fall asleep than I awoke with an
urge to go to the bathroom. I adjusted my nightcap, put on my slippers, 
stood up, put on my bathrobe, and made my way toward the bathroom. 

This time, when I opened the door the light did not go on so I had to
switch the light on myself. I stood there, looked in the mirror, picked 
up my toothbrush and toothpaste and began brushing my teeth. I gargled 


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