|ROGER'S FABULOUS VOYAGES, PART 3, CHAPTER 4. (standard:humor, 1679 words) [4/10] show all parts|
|Author: Danny Zil||Added: Jun 16 2012||Views/Reads: 1250/840||Part vote: 0.00 (0 votes)|
|There's trouble brewing on Klyzemadex when the Germans who live there take over the mines and force everybody to start speaking german.|
FOUR Lunch the next day boasted the speciality of the house – alien's brain stew. Everyone was seated round the table in the kitchen and a lot of small talk was floating about. Doris was telling Roger a story about the psychiatric problems her cousin Noreen had on Earth...... “It were terrible, love,” she told him. “A sort o paranoid schizophrenia it were wi a touch o underlyin endogenous depression.” “How dreadful,” Roger said sympathetically. “It were,” agreed Doris. “She moped about village square for weeks. Ah didn't know where t' turn. In the end Ah said t' Thropely, ‘Listen, ye'll have t' do somethin about our Noreen.'” “What could Thropely do?” Roger asked. “He didn't have any medical training, did he?” “Well he had studied psychiatry a bit when he weren't inventin things,” Doris told him. “So what did he do?” Roger asked. “Use some sort of special therapy on her?” Doris cackled. “Nae love, he used his twelve bore on her! He shot her!” “Aye, that cured her,” Thropely said, grinning. Half-way through the meal the door was flung open and a young man rushed in. He was wearing old clothes, a cloth cap, boots and was covered in coal dust. He pulled off his cap, clutched it to his chest and stared at them all. “There's trouble at pit!” he announced dramatically. “Sorry about cliché,” he added apologetically “Who's he?” Thropely asked, frowning. “That's your other son – Valory,” Doris explained. “Oh, is it?” Thropely muttered and continued with his dinner. “What sort o trouble at pit, our Valory?” Doris asked. “Its Germans,” Valory replied. “Them ones that live like its World War Two back on Earth.” “Bastards!” spat Stan. “They're after rulin whole planet!” “They are that,” agreed Thropely. “So what are they up to?” asked Doris. Valory looked round at them all. “They're takin over at pit an forcing us all t' speak german!” he said. There was a stunned silence for a few moments. “Oh no!” wailed Doris. “Christ, is this true, our Valory?” asked Thropely, standing up. “It is, our Dad.” “Ye know what this means, don't ye, Thropely?” asked Stan. “Aye, that Ah do, Stan. Ye know how them fuckin Krauts talk - verbs at end o sentences an male an female definite articles an crap like that. Never know what the bastards are on about.” “Aye, it'll just be like bad grammar in Grimbledyke all over again.” “It will that, Stan.” Click here to read the rest of this story (177 more lines)
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