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Fun with Monkeys (standard:humor, 1147 words)
Author: Rene AmadorAdded: Feb 02 2002Views/Reads: 2198/1573Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
Based on a true story when I used to work at the zoo.

Fun with Monkeys by Rene Amador 

It was a normal day at work.  Four friends and I from the gift shop took
our lunch breaks at the same time.  We all went next door to the 
restaurant and bought our food.  The usual fare of hamburgers and fries 
filled the table. It was a nice day so we decided to sit outside for 
lunch and get some sun at the same time.  Our table sat across from the 
monkey pit.  We called it the monkey pit because that's what it was.  A 
wall constructed of stones ran around the perimeter of the pit.  In the 
middle of the pit was a large rock formation, man made of course.  This 
was a zoo.  Between the base of the formation and the wall was a space 
of about five feet.  All day long as parents visited the monkeys, they 
would hoist their children up onto the rocks for a better look at the 
hairy critters. 

These were not your normal monkeys.  These were ferocious unforgiving
eating machines.  They were the most violent of the lesser monkeys.  
Whatever food was given to them at feeding time was like witnessing the 
floor of the stock exchange when soybean prices are at their lowest and 
everyone wants to buy.  A large mass of fur, teeth and bright red 
bottoms would swarm to the food and the floor of the pit and it was 
every man for themselves, so to speak.  I pondered this while I ate 
when something entered the corner of my eye.  I didn't quite notice it 
at first and paid it no attention 

While my friends and I were talking, I saw one of the monkeys. He's
looked to the left.  That's all he was doing.  He just sat on the rock 
in the hot sun staring off to the left.  It was strange, but it does 
happen from time to time.  I thought that maybe he was looking for the 
female with who he had a good time. 

Monkeys have very strange mating habits.  These monkeys have fiery red
bottoms.  Females' bottoms are larger and redder than the males, but 
when a particular female is in heat, her bottom becomes an even 
brighter red.  This is the signal to the male that she wants to bang.  
Sometimes the female won' t even notice a male monkey coming from 
behind and having his way with her. She'll turn around to find the male 
just banging away and then run off to be alone only to have him run 
into her again later, so to speak, but back to the other monkey. 

As I said, I didn't pay any attention at first.  It was just one monkey,
nothing to worry about.  About five minutes later I turned to check if 
he was still staring to the left.  He was but now five or ten others 
were also looking to the left.  At this point I began to freak out.  I 
told everyone else at the table and they all just dismissed it. As I 
stood up, a large number of other monkeys turned to the left, their 
collective gaze focused on the left side of the pit at something at the 
bottom.  Now I started getting nervous.  I took a few steps toward the 
pit and one of the park security guards ran past me and almost knocked 
me down.  Something was definitely wrong. 

My view was obstructed when I sat at the table.  I didn't see the left
side of the monkey island.  As I came closer I saw a couple looking 
down into the pit with their arms stretched, reaching to the bottom.  
The woman was screaming and the father had a shocked and stunned look 
on his face.  The security guard ran past me again except this time he 
held a trashcan from a nearby table. 

The security guard ran towards the monkey island and tossed the can into
the pit, not on the left side, but the right side, opposite of where 
the monkeys fixed their eyes.  Other security guards surrounded the 
area and kept the people back from the monkey island.  I was able to 
get closer.  It was just one of the perks of working at the zoo.  I 
looked down into the pit and finally two and two became four.  There 
was  someone down in the pit. 

It was a child, probably around five or six years old.  He was crying. 
I would have too if out places were switched.  There's absolutely 
nothing fun being surrounded by forty or fifty dirty apes, each wanting 
to claw you and see what creamy flavor will come out of you.  Suddenly 
I understood what the security guard was doing.  He threw the garbage 
can onto the other side of the pit to create a diversion.  There was 
always the problem of people feeding the animals despite numerous 

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