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|Mind of the weak (standard:humor, 499 words) [1/2] show all parts|
|Author: Greggo||Updated: Feb 04 2003||Views/Reads: 2309/1||Part vote: 0.00 (0 votes)|
|AJOURNAL EXCERPT BY LOU ZIR. DAY ONE:|
hello hello hello hello? anyone? please? A few days ago the air in my head went stale. I tried to expel that stagnant air the usual way, you know, with a q-tip, but to no avail. Maybe it is the world on the brink of war thingy. Perhaps the death of my parents last month has caused some stress as of late. It may even have been the fact that my fiance changed the locks and refuses to return my vulgar phone messages. Oh, it might have been that someone stole my car. Yeah, I think it's the car. Definately the car! I seem to be missing all of these things that I used to take for granted; my parents, my fiance, my car. But how can I go about changing that? I may need some help. Any suggestions? I suppose I could buy a new car, ask somebody else to marry me, and go in search of a nice old couple to adopt this 21 year-old dropout, except that all seems somewhat too easy to do. There must be a challenge out there... Everyone I talk to reminds me to keep an open mind and a smile on my face. A fucking smile? Gee thanks for the support, freak!If you're gonna be a freakin' advice consultant never ever let someone hide behind a smile. Here's my Dr. Phil impression: Hallmark cards are not the right place to steal words of encouragement! Smile. Smile. Smile. See how dumb it sounds. I choose to frown and I apologize if my 24-7 frown frazzles you but I'll warn you that I've been dishing out I'm-sorrys faster than Mcdonalds spews out fries. But I'm sorry for it. Hey, I'll tell you what I will do! I'm going to draft myself, you know, join the military. I'm sure they don't get a lot of grade 12 dropouts with a potential work ethic applying. I'm gonna join the goddam army and make something of myself. Maybe even an officer, wouldn't I make my new adoptive parents proud? I'll go to war and see the middle-east, maybe get a tan. ( Note to self: bring the SPF 30... is that strong enough? Note to self: find out if SPF 30 is strong enough for iraq). I really don't know my lotions. Do you think they'd give a rifle to me? They'd be stupid not to! Hmmm... wonder if there are any hotties in the army. Maybe I'll become a deserter, like when I dropped high school, and meet some fanciful muslim honey. Now we're talking. Ever make love in a tank? I wonder what that's like. My boss called me today, well former boss if you catch my drift. Apparently you're not allowed to take a short week-long sabbatical without asking first. What was I thinking? Oh well it must be fated. Why, I was just pondering the army and now I have my sign. Tomorrow's the first day of the rest of my life. Tweet
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